It has been a long time since my last post, and upon the insistence of the BTB, I begrudgingly write this post.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always imagined my wedding to be a project that I’ll build from scratch. In this day and age, where there are many vendors providing all kinds of wedding services, I still feel I wouldn’t do myself and the BTB any justice if we just get someone else to create our vision. I know it won’t be easy, in fact I know it’ll be super tedious, but if the BTB and I can survive 7 years of being together, what’s one year of working hard to build the wedding of our dreams? Bear in mind that DIY isn’t for everybody, but you’re so much cooler in my books if you do it too. 🙂
Conventional wisdom goes that brides are the ones that are heavily invested in the wedding, and that grooms are as good as bystanders along the red carpet leading to your pelamin. The wedding is often regarded as a production orchestrated exclusively by the women; we guys simply don’t give a damn about the minutiae of wedding preparations. Fresh flowers or fake ones? Tak kesah lah, asal kan ada bunga. Do you prefer traditional or modern costume? Whatever makes you happy k, sayang? Dabbling in such discussions is perceived as “expected boyfriend duty” at best.
With about 1.5 years left to the wedding, being unemployed is perhaps the most nerve-wrecking situation to be in. I won’t lie, thinking about leaving the job that I was in took a lot of self-convincing and self-reassuring that it’s time. You’re crazy, the inner voice said. But once I’d decided, and handed the paper, it was the most liberating feeling ever.
- You help a friend with his/her wedding plans, concomitantly doing research for your own wedding such that when it’s time to decide on yours, you already have a library of information at your disposal.
- You blog about your wedding preparations. Similar to the above, not only are you a resource of help for others who are undergoing the same situation, the blog will comfort you in times when you feel unaccomplished – your archives show how much you’ve done!
- You often hear the “everything will fall into place” advice. It’s not failure if things don’t look the way you thought it would – you’re valuing your self-worth and will not accept second best for your big day. But, take heart from those before you when they say it’ll all be ok eventually.
- You have enough to live comfortably. While most of your income is going towards the wedding fund, you still have enough left to smile about after deducting other expenses like bills, transportation, eating out etc.
- Your relationship with your significant other is stronger than ever. You can look at each other and believe without any doubt that he or she is the reason that you are closing yourself to the possibility of someone else being out there.
- Your spreadsheet game is strong. You were never one to use Excel for anything, not even for work. But when it comes to planning your wedding timeline or budget, you’re an absolute pro.
- You are planning a marriage, not a wedding. You find yourselves planning for the rest of your lives, as opposed to just that one big day on the calendar. You already thought about where your future home will be, when to have kids, and how best to raise them etc.
- You are not bothered by other weddings. You’re just there for the food.
- You have a strong support system. The thing that you absolutely need whether you admit it or not is help – and your friends and family offer it in spades.
- You know what you want. You’ve decided on your caterer, location, bridal, photographer. But most importantly, you’ve already saved a draft email to these vendors. You’re just waiting to click send when they open for bookings.
The dais, or pelamin, is perhaps the last thing on any GTB’s checklist for the wedding but personally I think guys should at least put some thought into how it will look. Not only will it reflect on how considerate and thoughtful you are for your bride, it’s also the anchor for the theme of your entire majlis. Personally, I feel that the pelamin is a symbol of my love and dedication to the bride, much like how our eventual home will be a symbol of our union as a family. So if there’s one thing that I do extremely well, it’s got to be the pelamin.
1. “She totally didn’t have a small engagement/wedding.”
No matter what she says, a BTB loves to compare her engagement/wedding with other BTBs, especially within her own circle of friends. When she gets wind of a friend’s engagement/wedding that is anything but sederhana (as told by said friend before), this groundbreaking news will definitely make its rounds as gossip fodder at the watercooler. My advice: be the watercooler and dengar kan je.