Conventional wisdom goes that brides are the ones that are heavily invested in the wedding, and that grooms are as good as bystanders along the red carpet leading to your pelamin. The wedding is often regarded as a production orchestrated exclusively by the women; we guys simply don’t give a damn about the minutiae of wedding preparations. Fresh flowers or fake ones? Tak kesah lah, asal kan ada bunga. Do you prefer traditional or modern costume? Whatever makes you happy k, sayang? Dabbling in such discussions is perceived as “expected boyfriend duty” at best.
This lack of male interest in general seems to affect how wedding vendors market their services to potential clients. When was the last time you saw a bridal post a photo of a dapper suit in their new collection on their Instagram? Almost never, right? Many bridals don’t seem to cater to a groom’s needs vis-à-vis the wedding outfits. Then, on the decoration aspect of the wedding, most vendors take cues from feminine objects like flowers, gems, pastel colours etc. Creating a more masculine pelamin, for example, often calls for custom jobs as there isn’t such a template already existing in their portfolio.
But, here’s the thing. Guys today are very particular about their wedding more than they would readily admit. The stigma of being labelled less of a man might hinder guys from owning their vision of their ideal wedding, which is why they eventually take a back seat. Personally though, I know of guys–both friends and family–that care so much for the wedding not because the brides couldn’t be bothered (surprise, surprise! They exist!), but simply because it’s an important thing to do. Even if your guy wouldn’t confess to wanting hydrangea over roses, there are some noticeable signs that show he cares about the wedding.
- He chooses to get a tailored suit even if it means extra expenses for him. The selection at the bridal shop, or lack thereof, will just crimp his style on the biggest day of his life.
- His groomsmen are made up of an entire football team. No bro is left out.
- He sponsors his groomsmen’ outfits. #TeamGroom FTW.
- No best man? He’ll hire one. Or request bridals if they offer such services (yup, best man for hire is a thing).
- He’s a practical guy. He DIYs things like the wedding card, directional signs, photo booth, and even decorates his own wedding car.
The big day is no longer just about the bride; increasingly the groom steps up to the plate and calls the shots. It makes sense to share the responsibility due to the huge cost of weddings these days. More than that, I believe guys are taking ownership of their wedding day because they want to. Unfortunately, wedding vendors and society at large have not embraced this as a norm yet. It’s about time we guys get acknowledged too.